Resource Library
Knowledge, practical tools, trusted organizations, and educational resources for understanding coercive control and strengthening functional autonomy.
Whether you're trying to understand a difficult relationship, support someone you care about, rebuild after coercive control, or deepen your professional knowledge, you've come to the right place.
The Resource Library brings together the educational resources that support The Abuse Survivor's Toolbox. Some were created as part of this project. Others come from trusted organizations, researchers, clinicians, and advocates whose work has advanced our understanding of abuse, trauma, recovery, and human autonomy.
A living language for functional autonomy
The Toolbox Lexicon
Many people know something feels wrong long before they know how to explain it.
One of the central goals of The Abuse Survivor's Toolbox is to help people find language for experiences that have often gone unnamed or poorly understood.
The Toolbox Lexicon is a growing collection of concepts that explain how functional autonomy develops, how it can gradually erode, and how it can be intentionally rebuilt.
It includes both established concepts from psychology, trauma research, and coercive control literature, as well as original Toolbox concepts developed through this project to describe recurring patterns that many people recognize but have struggled to explain.
Featured concepts include:
- Functional Autonomy
- Making Questions Unsafe
- Weaponizing Competence
- Punishing Choice
- Counterfeiting Joy
- Capitalizing on Vulnerability
- Cementing Fear and Shame
Articles
Explore educational articles that expand on the ideas introduced in The Book and The Toolkit Series.
Current articles explain recurring patterns associated with coercive control, recovery, decision-making, and the restoration of functional autonomy in practical, accessible language.
Gaslighting Dynamics: How Reality Becomes Unstable
How repeated revisions of ordinary facts, captured uncertainty, and disqualified outside perspectives gradually erode a person’s trust in their own observations.
Read the article →Coercive Control Dynamics: How Agency Is Lost
Understanding coercive control through the gradual erosion of functional autonomy.
Read the article →The article library will continue to grow over time.
Free Toolbox Resources
If you'd like a place to begin, these resources are available free of charge.
Calm Before Clarity
A brief guided reset for moments when everything feels urgent and clear thinking feels difficult.
Download →Personal Safety Snapshot
A structured scan of stability, support, and risk designed to help organize information before making important decisions.
Download →The Toolkit Series
If structured worksheets and guided exercises are helpful to you, The Toolkit Series offers practical decision-support tools that can be used independently or alongside professional support.
The Clarity Toolkit
Practical tools for organizing complex information and supporting decisions during cognitive overload.
Learn more →The Safety Toolkit
Practical tools for assessing risk, preparing options, and stabilizing during ongoing or uncertain harm.
Learn more →The Agency Toolkit
Practical tools for rebuilding functional autonomy, strengthening boundaries, and intentionally shaping what comes next.
Learn more →If you need immediate help
If you are in immediate danger, contact your local emergency services.
If you are in the United States or Puerto Rico, you can also contact:
National Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-799-SAFE (7233) thehotline.org24-hour confidential support, safety planning, and online chat.
RAINN — National Sexual Assault Hotline
1-800-656-HOPE (4673) rainn.orgConfidential support and referrals to local sexual assault resources.
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
Call or text 988 988lifeline.orgImmediate emotional crisis and mental health support.
If you live outside the United States, similar services are often available through your country's public health system or domestic violence advocacy organizations. Many also offer confidential online chat if making a phone call does not feel safe.
Understanding What You May Be Experiencing
Many people question or minimize their own experiences, especially when harm does not fit common stereotypes.
Some commonly misunderstood patterns include:
- Coercive control without physical violence
- Intermittent kindness mixed with harmful behavior
- Escalation after separation
- Monitoring, surveillance, or digital harassment
- Financial or legal manipulation
Safety Planning
Safety planning does not require you to leave immediately, involve law enforcement, confront another person, or be certain about what is happening.
Effective safety planning is flexible and individualized. It often includes:
- Monitoring changes in risk over time
- Recognizing escalation patterns
- Preparing quietly
- Strengthening emotional and logistical stability
- Expanding safe options before they become urgently necessary
Trusted Organizations & Support
Different situations require different kinds of support. The following resources may help depending on your needs and location.
Advocacy & survivor support
Domestic violence organizations, sexual assault crisis centers, peer support groups, and victim assistance programs can often provide safety planning, court accompaniment, emergency referrals, housing resources, financial assistance, and emotional support.
Legal assistance
Legal aid organizations, domestic violence legal clinics, family law self-help centers, and victim compensation programs may assist with protective orders, employment protections, housing concerns, immigration issues, and crime victim compensation.
Trauma-informed mental health care
When seeking therapy, consider providers who specifically describe themselves as trauma-informed or experienced in PTSD, complex trauma, coercive control, or survivor-centered care.
Helpful directories include Psychology Today, local community mental health centers, and referrals from advocacy organizations.
Digital safety & privacy
If you're concerned about monitoring or surveillance, advocacy organizations often provide guidance on:
- Device safety
- Stalkerware detection
- Privacy settings
- Secure communication
- Social media safety
Project Collaborators
The following professionals collaborate with or contribute to the educational mission of The Abuse Survivor's Toolbox.
Kate Mageau, LMHC
Therapist • Author
Author of Rose Colored Glasses and the Healing from Toxic Relationships Workbook.
Kate's work focuses on emotional abuse, toxic relationships, and survivor healing. Her books, educational materials, therapy services, and clinician trainings complement the structured decision-support framework offered through this project.
How These Resources Work Together
Each part of this project serves a different purpose.
The Book
Introduces the framework.
The Toolkit Series
Provides practical exercises.
The Toolbox Lexicon
Gives language to recurring patterns.
The Resource Library
Connects those ideas with trusted organizations, research, educational materials, and additional support.
Disclaimer
The resources provided on this website are intended for educational and informational purposes only. They do not constitute legal advice, medical advice, psychological treatment, or crisis intervention, and they are not a substitute for working with qualified professionals when appropriate.
If you are in immediate danger or experiencing a medical or mental health emergency, contact your local emergency services or a trusted crisis resource immediately.